#Day13: Rough Waters Ahead

I've had a pretty smooth process during #theminimalistproject for #NoClutterNovember
....up until day 12.

The progress was building momentum with each passing day and each additional release of some obscure item in my possession that needed to go.
It was great! There was nothing in my way. I was releasing stuff and feeling like I was smooth sailing!

BUT....
I guess when I started getting to the underlying layer, I should have expected the even harder parts of the process to surface.
Not sure why, but I just didn't anticipate this stage of the game...And just because I was clueless about the fact that it was inevitably going to get harder, didn't mean the process was going to wait for me to prepare before before throwing me right into those rough waters....
and that's when I looked around and realized, I was getting smacked dead in the face with a wave of reality
....the reality that;

My issues affect other people!

Yep. there it is!

I guess I wanted to pretend all these years that I was the only one who had to deal with my messes, 
but...
my parents,
my siblings,
my friends,
my college roommates,
my husband,
and now my kids
.....they each had/have to wade the waters through the things I struggled/struggle with.

I have justified my lean toward my compulsiveness with the fact that it's just "my issue," or "it could be worse" (or it could be drugs....or it could be gambling...or....)...but honestly, why wait til it gets worse or morphs into a severely dysfunctional form of obsessiveness before doing something to change?!

There's something utterly alarming and regretful to see the things you wish you could change about yourself reflected from the lives of the people around you that you most love. 

I've been very open and honest about the layers I've peeled back so far in my processing. 

I guess it wouldn't hurt to be candid about how I see my clutter and my sporadic shopping playing out in my family's lives. 

To watch Macey fill up her shelves with trinkets, and find her notebooks all over the house filled with little writings and drawings, and the disorganization of her clothes that are constantly lining her bedroom floor

...that's me at 8 years old, and pretty much even now!

To see Justus saving his money away and afraid to use it on things he wants because then he won't have anything left in his jar, or asking if he can sell his toys so he can get something different

...I wish I could say he didn't learn that from me! 

Theo has slept with cloth diaper blankies that he calls his "babies" since he was a baby. (I won't ever take that away from him!); but when I tuck him in and he literally has 10 "babies" in his bed and cries if I tell him that he only needs 1 or 2

.... I know I'm to blame for his finding security in having each and every one of them in his possession.

Luckily Sadie is too little to be tainted much...but she does appreciate easy access to animal crackers regularly

...me again! ;)

...and then there's Paul!
....quietly putting up with my OCD of having lots of cups, or flip flops, or bath towels, or tupperware, or books, or kids toys, or a surplus of "this" or "that"... "in case we need it some day"...but "don't worry," it's all from garage sales "so I saved us money!"


The problem has become "the search for the perfect item" or the "obsession with getting the best deal" or the "organizing and reorganizing of the stuff" all the way to the problem of not taking proper care of the stuff we have, because it's simply all too overwhelming.

So yesterday and today, I'll be honest, I am struggling.
Not necessarily with the "getting-rid-of" part at this point, but with the "why-didn't-I-see-what-a-mess-I-am-really-making-of-this-family" part of it.

My saving grace is that:

"God's love covers a multitude of sins"

"His mercies are new every morning"

"It's never too late to change"

"Kids are resilient"

So now that I've given you a glimpse at the "depression" that is #day13....I will quickly move on to the actual #Day13 items...

November 13th, my 13 items:

13 bibs.

I will say that Sadie had terrible reflux as a newborn, and so a plethora of bibs was a necessity early on. (Sadly, it is a "savers" way...to justify each and every item they own.) 

With my excuses no longer justifiable, I have more than enough bibs for the toddler stage and am passing these 13 bibs on to the next baby who needs them....maybe a few to grandma's house, and the rest free to a good home!

...In honor of all the cleaning up I have to do with the loves in my life who have had to deal with my "baggage," I offer these bibs as a symbolic purge of an item that is intended to protect, clean up, and give fresh starts.

So "Goodbye, baby bibs with your carrot stains and worn velcro. I wish I hadn't used and abused you like the way I do with a lot of things in our home....but you've served us well, and for that I am grateful."