Visionary of Complication

I'm a parent who 

occasionally   every once in a while   regularly   pretty much always over-complicates things.  

From family outings, to art projects, to desserts, to discipline plans, to grocery shopping, to chore charts, to organizing, to movie nights, to cleaning, to games, to bedtime, to holidays ....you name it, I try to make it as "awesome" as possible, by in turn, making it as complicated and involved as is just enough to make it either:

A. Never happen at all because it's so complicated the planning never quite comes together

B. Start off strong, but becomes so exhaustingly complicated that no one, even in their right mind, can keep going at that pace (...and let's face it, if we have a handful of kids at home, we don't get enough sleep to be in our "right mind," therefore making scenario B a pretty short adventure)

C. Begin with everyone smiling and end with everyone: fighting, whining, or wishing it would be over all ready.

D. Gain approval from the family population, BUT appreciated for one of the benign, unplanned parts of the project that I forgot to over-complicate.

E. "Succeed"...with the exception of the kids formally approaching me days later saying,
"We need to discuss something with you. We really don't like this plan. We feel it doesn't give us freedom..."
(and, Yes...this has actually happened (direct quote)! Formal negotiations is their spiritual gift at ages 6 & 8)



So in those moments of dropping yet another complicated scheme, the realization hits that maybe all the extra effort of exhausting all resources isn't worth the culmination of anxiety; and my all-or-nothing spirit does the only rational thing it can think of
....it throws in the towel (mixed with a little sweat of self-loathing) of ever planning ANYTHING, EVER again, purely because of my frustration over my inconsistency and lack of stamina to keep up with my own expectations.

...until of course I hit another manic spree of brilliant, new, complicated ideas that have a new formula sure to work!

...until that idea crashes and burns

....until a "new and even better 12-step plan" forms!!

...and on and on goes the viscous cycle that is my dysfunctional and unreliable life plan.

It was during one of my "throwing in the towel" seasons that I stumbled upon a parenting moment where no planning was possible. 

My oldest daughter, 8, was having a really difficult time at school. She had run into some issues with some classmates and was feeling like every time she tried to do the right thing, it singled her out and made the other kids (in her mind) hate her.
Being the little bossy-type rule-follower that she is, she just couldn't resist calling people out, resulting in some pretty intense confrontations.

So during the half hour of "reading-writing time" before lights out at bedtime, I did something I don't usually do during their quiet time...I sat down and listened!...the kind of listening that you can't schedule in....the kind of listening where you don't have a plan...the kind that just happens when you throw your aggressive parenting regime out the window and just let the conversation lead where it will

....and a funny thing happened....
We talked.
And we prayed together.
And we threw out some "one-liners" from the Bible to apply to the situation.
And she actually breathed a little sigh of relief (for that moment at least.....which is quite the feat for this little anxiety-ridden girl).
And right before I left the room, she looked up from her bed and casually said,

"Mom, can you write that one down for me to remember...you know the one about: 'a soft answer turns away wrath'?!"

It was then that I realized, we had shared a moment!
A little simplistic "heart-to-heart" moment, if you will,

 ....that I didn't even plan!

So it was the next night when I thought, "Last night was nice. I'm gonna go talk and pray with her again before bed tonight."
...and then it happened again the next night
...and the next night
...and the next night
...and then before I knew it, our nightly talks and prayer time had turned into a routine,
which then turned into us looking up some of the Bible quotes that she liked,
which turned into her wanting to write them down,
which finally became her taping her little dalmation-stationary verses on the walls around her bed.

When she stopped in the middle of her sweet (but sloppy) 2nd grade hand-writing of 2 Timothy 1:7 and said to me, "Hey, Mom, this is like a Bible study!".... I thought, "A Bible Study?! I've been trying to get motivated to plan one of those for myself for weeks (enter Scenario A) But I guess she's right.... We have the Bible open; We're looking for verses; We are discussing them; We are writing things down."

So I simply said to her, "It's not LIKE a Bible study, this IS a Bible study. We are studying the Bible."
And she said, "I wish we could do Bible Studies like this every day!"

And instead of pulling out a curriculum, writing down a study plan, and empty-promising her some kind of schedule that I'd probably follow through on for a week or so, I simply said,
"Me too. We will see. But you can always do your own Bible Study at night during reading-writing time if that's what you want to do"
...and I absorbed that moment for all it had to offer and realized that it's not always about creating something so over-thought it's ingenuous, but about taking the moments as they come and appreciating them for what they are....moments....very special, child-led moments....that, who knows, may become habits...instead of fizzled, over-zealous plans with false promises and infinite,unrealistic expectations.

So in all my failed attempts at the master plan of creating "the perfect" childhood for my kids, I realized there was only 1 simple factor involved.....Keep it simple & Show up.
(Okay, in all actuality, that was more literally 2...but come on, I'm a recovering over-complicating work in progress.")


#Simplify2014