#Day20: So-long, old "Friend" ...and take your Ketchup packets with you!

Even as a young kid I struggled with anxiety. 

...I didn't know it was anxiety back then, but somewhere around the late twenties I put 2 and 2 together to realize that not everyone in the world feels overwhelmed with scattered thoughts and a disorganized lifestyle mixed with fears, awkwardness, and extreme high's and low's. 

So hearing, "you have anxiety," instead of sounding like a depressing prognosis, became a relief  of: "oh, yeah, that makes so much sense."

The only problem with accepting that you are affected by something, is then realizing that you have to do something about it....or not. 

(...Though the "not" doing something about it leads to a pretty hopeless outcome.)

Enter, "eliminate clutter" on the list of  "doing something about that anxiety"

(....and then if you're me, you push that way down on the to-do list until you realize you can't delay it any longer.)

Hence, #noclutternovember and #theminimalistproject.

Trust me when I say it took a lot of Bible studies, encouragement from good friends, and arguments with my husband discussions with my man, before I felt brave enough (and strong enough!) to tackle organization and all the emotions that come along with changing bad habits and natural inclinations for the long term.

I used to look around and say:

"I can't keep up with the house" or 

"Why does it take hours to organize everything and minutes to destroy it all" or 

"Where does all this stuff come from?" or

"I don't even know where to start" or

"I'm so overwhelmed, I don't have it in me to even try" or

"What if I fail?" or

"I wish I could just snap my fingers and make this fix itself" or

"Is it socially acceptable to stay in bed with the covers over my head?"

....But somewhere after asking about the acceptability of sleeping for a week, I came to the point where I now  realize that it's the process and the effort that I put into something that matters and equates to change, not necessarily the short-term successes. I have to be in this for the long haul and the journey.

So I am now attempting to try to create new habits and different responses to my anxiety with the internal dialogue of, "I may not be able to do everything, but I can do something," 

...and then I work on focusing some tunnel-vision into a very small, specific zone, and just aim for 1 reachable goal at a time.... like #day20

November 20th, my 20 things:

Call me crazy, but this was my "just in case" stash in the fridge door.
(After all, "You can never be too prepared (or too anxiety-ridden) in stocking up to protect your family from the crisis of running out of ketchup and soy sauce.")




So..."Goodbye, anxiety....you're the cause of all 85% of my problems, and while you and I have been 'friends' for a long time, I resent you and your stash of condiments. I know you may loiter outside my front door, but I really hope I have enough sense not to let you inside."










PS Isn't God great to let me find this anchor made by one of my kids YEARS ago, while cleaning out clutter the other day?!  Oh, the irony! sitting amidst the clutter.

...Had to keep it and put it on the Christmas tree.....for at least the season ;)